dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
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