If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
