I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
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