WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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