now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
