he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Randomize
