you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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