They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize