apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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