I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
