She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
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Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
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I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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