Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
thus making me awesome and them whores
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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