her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
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