okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Randomize
