I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
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