At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
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