So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
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