Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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