It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
