I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
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