It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
