well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
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She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
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I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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