I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
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