just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
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You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
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