Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Randomize
