i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
