chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
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