I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
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