my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
she woke up with a sticky ear
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
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