You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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