I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
