No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I've blown a few things in my day
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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