someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
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