omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
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He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
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I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
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