I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
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Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
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In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something