you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Less talking, more tequila
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Randomize
