You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
