how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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