Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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