Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
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