Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
My brain says no but my pants say off.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
