i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Randomize
