If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
