WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
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