i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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