2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize