Sponge bath it is.
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Randomize
