Got a toothbrush?
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
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