she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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