How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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