i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
