shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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