ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
