she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
