u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
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Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
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his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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