If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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