everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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