my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
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