ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
