They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Randomize
