if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
